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Friday, 3 February 2017

Bump Diaries - 13 & 14 Weeks Pregnant

Finally, I am 14 weeks pregnant! It feels like I haven't got far at all.  Because of my 12 week scan and the two date changes, I was 12 weeks pregnant for almost three weeks haha.  but I officially have a due date of the 1st August.

13&14 weeks has been tough.  I have been really struggling.  Pregnancy symptoms on top of the stresses of every day life and a toddler who thinks sleep is for losers, and I had a little break down.  I just felt like I was suffocating in to-do lists and all around me seems to be things I need to do, but I have been feeling so yucky, I just wasn't getting anything done. Currently Mr P and I only have 1 day a week together, and I am finding it tough.  not only do I and Fred miss him, but come our Sundays together, there are so many boring things we need to do together we have hardly any time to just have enjoy our time. Feel like I am on a hamster wheel that never stops spinning.   I feel like I have been letting Freddie down by being a rubbish mum not being up to doing all the fun things we usually do and I feel like I am letting Mr P down, he works long hours and is also having to pick up the slack with the washing, the cooking and general housework, so I have been feeling a whole heap of guilt and generally just a bit upset at not feeling like myself.  Sunday was a bad day, I think all of the above coupled with pregnancy hormones just reached a pinnacle and I literally cried on and off all day.  To be honest I actually felt better for having a little break down, I can be the worst person at bottling feelings and tend to be very quiet when I am feeling overwhelmed, I think sometimes you just have to let it alllll out.  And of course he was so kind to me, and understanding of my hysterical, irrational breakdown, I managed to feel a bit better by late afternoon and we went for a well needed break together to the local swimming pool, it was so good to just forget it all and have some fun.  

Come Monday I was feeling better, Chris has booked some annual leave in March so we can have some time just as a family at home.  Last year, all our time was spent with wedding mania, then little breaks away and actually I think some time at home is just what we need.  I also got to spend some time with my mum as my step-dad is recovering well from his cancer treatment and we went for a little trip to town and I spoilt myself in Superdrug with some nice goodies and that evening ignored my 'to do' lists, had a hot bath, used my new products and had a gorgeous avocado oil face mask, even Mr P got in on the action! It was just what I needed, and I learnt a valuable lesson; I am not superwomen and I need to be kind to myself, and make time for me.  Anyway enough of me going on let's talk pregnancy!

Sick sick sick.  I have been so sick this week.  Less dry heaving throughout the day but more regularly being sick.  I didn't have such violent vomiting when I was pregnant with F.  I reached an all time low today when I was in sainsbury's and out of nowhere started violently vomiting, all down myself, full on sick.  absolutely horrendous and even Freddie looked embarrassed to know me!

I also keep having really funny turns.  I will be absolutely fine busy doing something, then all of a sudden I just feel 'peculiar', almost like I can feel the blood drain out of my face, I feel hot and sweaty and like I need to lie down.  It is absolutely horrible and although passes in a few minutes leaves me feeling horrid for about an hour, it is awful when it happens at work, I have no choice but to just carry on working and makes me feel quite upset, like I just want to cry and go home.  My blood sugars are fine when it happens, so I think its possibly my blood pressure.  I do suffer with low BP, or perhaps dehydration as I am struggling to drink enough. 

I have lost around 10lbs thanks to my aversions to carbs.  My cravings are still fruit, mostly green apples, red grapes and pineapple. cannot get enough!  I also am eating a lot of salad, and am trying to add chicken or tuna to get my protein etc.  My not so healthy craving has been fizzy sour sweets and ice lollies, obviously sour sweets require alotttt of insulin so I can only eat a few at a time, which requires serious willpower, I have discovered the Natural confectionery Company fizzy worms in Waitrose and they really hit the spot!

Diabetes & Hospital
My sugar levels have been a bit on the high side, which could be the start of the insulin resistency that happens when diabetic women are pregnant. It is becoming all consuming trying to keep my blood sugars under such tight control, and much harder this time round with looking after Freddie too, but I am doing my absolute best. It can be really soul destroying to do everything perfectly and still not have the perfect blood sugar.  My nurse downloaded my pump and we have made a few changes to my basal background doses and my carbohydrate to insulin ratio.  I saw my diabetes specialist midwife and She decided to have a go at listening to baby and we found a lovely strong heartbeat really quickly, it was such a special moment and felt so real hearing the little train beating away.

 Bump, Baby Names and Bedroom Plans
I am loving such a firm little bump now, and want to wear dresses to show it off, in my jeans and jumpers I don't really look pregnant.  We have done lots of planning this week, planning what we will buy and how we will redecorate Freddie's room so they can kind of share, although it will be a while before baby will be in there, and hopefully we may move by then as we had Fred in with us until 10 months.  There has been ALOT of baby name talk too, and we were thrilled to discover all of the names bar one that we love this time are not on the top 100 list.

Super cute outfit delivered this week!
I have had some lovely comments on messages on instagram this week through my struggles, and it really makes sharing my life online worth it.  Thank you guys, I love hearing all about your pregnancies too!


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