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Saturday, 9 April 2016

The Last Time

As parents we know our children grow, we want them too.  We look forward to them reaching the next stage, we cant wait for them to sleep through the night, eat solids and take their first steps.  In the excitement of all the new and wonderful things your child is learning we might not realise other things fading into the distance, everyday things becoming memories.

Much to my great sadness, I was unable to breastfeed my baby and we bottle fed solely from 2 weeks old. Those nights snuggled up in his nursery, just us, the world around us quiet, feeding my baby his warm milk, whispering in his ear, smelling his baby smell and brushing his soft hair against my face; there is nothing more beautiful than feeding your baby, holding them close. At the time I am not sure we appreciate those moments for the wonder that they are, desperate for sleep with tired heavy eyes hoping for a good four hours before the next feed.

Freddie took his bottles from me until quite recently I think he was 13 months when he decided he was grown up enough to hold it himself, but he still took his early morning bottles and bed time bottles from us, snuggled into our chests just like our newborn, only now his legs dangled off our lap. I noticed about 6 weeks ago this was happening less and less, he started wanting to do his bottle himself in the morning, and at bedtime so it became random day feeds when he was super sleepy he would let me feed him.

two weeks ago, when he had been poorly, he didn't want his lunch, so I offered him a bottle which he squealed with excitement for, he snuggled up onto my lap, nestled his head into me and let me feed him. About halfway through he looked up at me and stared into my eyes for about 4 minutes, usually he is too busy, wants to drink as quickly as possible and get back to his toys. But he was so cuddly and still in my lap as he drank his milk and I just had this feeling.  I knew he was taking his bottle from me for the last time.  

It was the most beautiful moment, and I am lucky that I have had 16 months of feeding my baby.  I never understand parents who choose to end the bottles/milk of their choice, I always said I would give Freddie bottles of milk until he was ready and he got there on his own.

That last bottle was such a special moment, my eyes sting with tears everytime I remember it. Bottle feeding is so beautiful too, I dont think enough is put out there to show just how beautiful it can be.

If you are up tonight, feeding your baby, wishing the days away until your baby isnt guzzling milk by the hour, please enjoy, treasure the moment for what it is, a bleary eyed moment of bonding, securing a bond that will last a life time. I would do anything to do one more night feed. Because sooner or later you will feed your baby for the last time. It is so wonderful to see our children grow but I feel sad too. Joy and sadness at the same time, that's the funny thing about parenting.

Thank you Freddie, for making our last feed so very very special. I love you more than you will ever know.

Mummy x 

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